Making Friends As An Adult

12/15/2018

Making friends as an adult.

Something that sounds so simple, but for many is among one of the most difficult things to even attempt (especially if you’re not super outgoing to begin with). We all need friends in our life, we all need connection to thrive. Someone with whom we can bounce our inner workings with, free of judgement, yet real enough to tell you when you might be overdoing something.
This adds HUGE quality to life (in my experience anyway).

Genuine human connection makes the world go round.

I have been fortunate enough of not having to worry about this so much in my past as I’ve always have had a pretty rock solid group of friends I could count on (and still do). However now with my move west, I’ve found it pretty isolating without my best friends nearby. Granted I still call and facetime them weekly as if I never left, but I do miss having people who I could call and know that they could be at my house in ten minutes or less.

So Alas, through my own trials and tribulations I will share with you some very important tips and advice on how to do this for yourself. Whether you just moved or have removed some toxic people from your life (who are no longer helping you grow and now are left with very slim pickings), this list might not land you a best friend immediately, but just by taking these few steps it will get you started to at least meet some new faces and see if they can add quality to your life and you to theirs.
(Afterall balance is the name of the game. Don’t just make friends with people you can help, but find friends who can also help YOU. This is a reminder for all my selfless givers out there, you’re worthy of just as much support BTDubbs.)

1. Meetup
Now don’t hate me for this one! As a fellow introvert, the idea of going to a large outing alone is definitely NOT on my top list of things that I would like to do with my spare time… BUT! This is hands down one of my favorite tools to find people who enjoy doing similar things as you and going on group outings with others who most likely are going alone as well. It’s a beautiful thing. Most places even have Meetup groups made SPECIFICALLY for certain age groups to meet other people looking to make new friends. How great is that?! And no, not only weird creepy people attend these things. Face your fears, step outside your comfort zone, and see where it takes you. Regardless of what happens you’ll have a great learning experience about yourself and feel pretty proud that you put yourself out there like that. It’s really hard to go wrong with this.

Protip: If you’re looking for open-minded, dancing folk who are NOT going to judge you: Drum Circles. Find them wherever you can. Some of the most welcoming nonjudgemental people I’ve ever met have been at Drum Circles.

2. Work
This one is one of the most natural of the options. For one, you see these people on a pretty frequent basis and it’s important to generally get along with them. But I’ve been pretty lucky in the past with meeting some of my best friends in the work place. Nothing builds a true friendship like having to work together to be an efficient team and kick some ass during crazy periods of work. So before you get a new job (if you’re looking), pay attention to also the people who work in the establishment. Are these people you would want to work with for majority of the week? (Beyond just being friends, but also for your sanity as well. No one wants a crazy manager, it’s handy to recognize these red flags before taking a job in general. But yeah, majority of friendships come from this category.

Protip: In order for people to perceive you as someone with whom they would even want to be friends with at work it helps to go above and beyond in helping people. The right people will notice and do the same for you and a great friendship can happen just based on that alone. Like someone walking home along in the cold, have a car? Offer them a ride home, etc.

3. Social Events (not listed on Meetup)
Similar to the Meetup suggestion, it’s also worth mentioning that there are LOTS of events going on outside of Meetup and they are worth checking out as well.

4. Just talking to people.
Anywhere, anytime, whoever. If you’re sitting on a bench with someone, start up a conversation… Now I know for many just the phrase “start up a conversation” for those with social anxiety it’s not so easy. I know people who have so many things to say but when it comes down to a moment to actually say something they blank out. I know people hate talking about the weather, but whatever, it’s a nice thing to talk about that can open the doorway to deeper conversations if you allow it to. EX: It’s raining out and you’re waiting at a bus stop with someone with a roof above both your heads and you discuss the strange weather lately and next thing you know someone starts sharing a story about a crazy storm in their youth that left them with nothing but their favorite guitar. You never know where a conversation could go if only you give it a chance. Worst case scenario the other person doesn’t want to talk, in which case they will keep it sort. And that’s cool too, it happens, but I think most people would be surprised by how many others would really enjoy a lively conversation.

Protip: Compliment people! Tell them how awesome they are! Even if you don’t know them! Great conversations can spur from random acts of kindness! Worst case scenario you make the world a happier place, so, it’s a win-win.

5. Bumble
I struggled with even considering this an option, but is most definitely is. And with how technology is nowadays, socializing has unfortunately become more awkward for many. So this option is for those who really want to meet people right now, and one on one, not just a group hoping to talk to someone. Bumble is not just a dating App, they also have a friend meeting App within it calling Bumble BFF. Believe it or not, I HAVE actually made a friend from the App. Luckily she was super friendly and outgoing so I was less awkward as a result for my socially awkward ass. It’s kinda weird in the sense that it’s like Tinder where a lot of it is focused around physical appearance, but if you look REALLY hard… there are some great people on the App as well (sometimes). It’s worth a shot. It’s free and has very little commitment to anything so it’s nice to try.

Protip: List you favorite activities and hobbies so others can find you and do those things with you!

These are just a few tools in the belt. Some other honorable mentions for the brave of heart is to join a community Facebook group for the area wherever you live (or start one!) and CREATE events for other to participate in! If there is something really cool you want to do and know how to do, INVITE OTHERS! If you want it to be a thing, then make it a thing! This can be super fun and creative. I’m thinking of trying this myself once spring rolls around to create a monthly event for a Community Sound Bath Healing event where anyone can come and use their healing musical instruments, or take part in the healing depending on where you are at that day. There’s a lot of possibilities. Add to your community! Another odd mention is to find a job that requires you to be a social human (yes, even you introvert). As much as I dislike the food industry/hospitality in general, there is a beautiful benefit of working with a large array of people. And in my experience it not only taught me how to start up conversation with anyone, but I also made friends with many customers over the years. To sum all these tips up it comes down to one simple thing: In order to make a friend, you must be a friend.

You have to treat others how you would want to be treated (or even better). Raise the bar for human kindness. Allow yourself to soften and smile to every face you see for one day and see what arises out of that alone. As a race we need to learn to reconnect with one another on a deeper level, and the only way that can happen is if others lead by example. By our example we give others the permission subconsciously to do the same themselves. It sounds fooey, but I’ve seen it work before my own eyes. Our actions do affect others, consciously or not. You would be surprised by the impact of even the smallest gesture. It’s up to us as a collective to make the effort to reach out and form relationships with our brothers and sisters around us.

After all we are all family, let’s treat each other as such.